Has it hit you yet? All the preparation and anticipation and excitement, the food and the joy and the family gathering has come and gone. I can feel the energy of something I can’t quite describe weaving its way around me. Maybe it has already taken over and has you locked tightly in its grip.
The post-holiday blues.
They’re real, that low that follows any high. The hole left by our lofty expectations for a brand new year and a brand new you, only to wake up in the same old body and the same old house and the same old routine.
Personally, I let go of the notion of New Year's resolutions decades ago. I decided to set myself up for success rather than failure or disappointment.
Change is a necessary part of life and is of course possible. I acknowledge that change requires time, intentional work and consistency. I also admit that what is required of me for change are things I know I want nothing to do with while trying to regenerate from the energy expended on preparations and celebrations over the last few weeks.
The new year is a great time to identify areas of challenge and change in and around us. My approach has been serving me well for many years now, and I love sharing it in the hopes that you will give it a try and join me.
I have a personal practice dedicated to making your life CLICK. I start the year by reminding myself of what makes my life click. I live my life leaning into making sure that I am Centered, Loving, Inclusive, Compassionate and Kind. Those five words put into action make my life CLICK, and they can do the same for you.
These are 5 simple words that can often be hard to hold onto in the day-to-day, so I’ve gathered a handful of steps that work for me and may be useful for you if you want things to start to CLICK in your own life.
CENTERED
Start with You. Take some time for yourself to get Centered so that you can understand how you see yourself, how others see you, and how your filters guide and influence you. A few minutes in the morning of tuning out the world and turning inward to check in with your own being is important. Are you starting your day peaceful and calm or agitated and angry? Turn down the energy of anger or anxiety by focusing on gratitude. Look at what is good in your life and let the feelings of gratitude help to center and ground you as you go through your day. Gratitude is a magnet for Grace. The more grateful you are the more open you become to receiving Grace.
LOVING
Let a LOVING heart take the lead in all relationships and interactions. We have different backgrounds and experiences from one another, experiences that have shaped how we see the world and how we react to certain situations. Your knowledge and awareness of your personal individual qualities can strengthen your ability to have positive interactions with others. When you allow yourself to lean into a loving way of being you treat everyone with dignity and respect. Know your strengths and be willing to work on your weaknesses.
Understanding your own background and reason for your behaviors serves as a foundation for approaching others with a loving heart. Keep in mind the importance of your intent vs. your impact. Become mindful of how you respond to others and be responsible for your words and actions. Always remember that your words when spoken from a place of love can make a difference in ways that you might not be able to imagine.
Once you understand yourself, it’s crucial to know how others might perceive you and how you impact them. Does your humor at times upset those around you? Do you find yourself making comments that seem casual and off-handed to you but cause others to look away? This type of “harmless” behavior might not mean much to you, but often it can be deeply hurtful to the people around you. Be sensitive to others and aware of your own actions. Allow love to be a quality that you access to hold yourself accountable. Were those words, actions or behaviors aligned with your definition of moving through the world in a loving way?
INCLUSIVE
Be Inclusive. Build your cultural awareness. Respond to friends, neighbors, colleagues, employees, customers, and all humans in a culturally respectful manner. Remember the Golden Rule of treating people the way you want to be treated has evolved. The Platinum rule teaches us to Treat others the way they want to be treated. Lead the Way. Be inclusive with every person, in every interaction, in everything you do, every day.
Cultural awareness does not simply involve learning about other cultures or belief systems. Building cultural awareness means you work towards accepting differences. By understanding our differences we can move beyond tolerance and truly become accepting and welcoming. This is how we learn to build inclusive communities and we start to drop the barriers.
COMPASSION
Compassion is something that every human can cultivate. It takes work to get beyond your own story and to acknowledge that there are different perspectives and complexities inherent in every individual's life. We all need to understand that compassion for one another's humanity enhances our ability to be in relationship with one another. One way of cultivating compassion and empathy is by exploring Common Ground. We can work through differences and access a broader bandwidth for listening to understand one another, while maintaining dignity and respect when we can find some aspects of common ground to stand on. Yes, it’s true that you might not understand another person’s opinion, and you might strongly disagree with it - but does that mean you disagree with that person to the extent that there is no common ground?
Chances are that you have something in common with them. It could be a small thing (perhaps you both have children), or it could be something you didn’t expect (perhaps you have the same favorite author). Or maybe you and this person share a common passion that could spark a collaboration or partnership down the road. You won’t ever know until you try – until you set aside differences, look for commonalities and then tackle the hard stuff after you have developed an unexpected level of relationship based on mutual understanding about some shared values.
Acknowledge the value of the reality that not everyone is born into the same set of circumstances, nor did they choose the circumstances they were born into. This requires compassion for our own private wounds and the wounds of others. Compassion leads to healing. If there is one thing most of us can agree on is that humanity needs quite a bit of healing right now!
KINDNESS
Join Team Kindness! Be the person who models authentic kindness in day to day life. Whether it's a group, a team or a stranger passing on the street, create interactions that are respectful. Become more aware of individual differences in order to build trust and agreement, and check yourself on your implicit biases.
If each one of us waited for someone else to step up and be the first to lead an initiative, how many initiatives do you expect would get started? The truth is that it’s everyone’s responsibility to take charge and make an impact. This impact can be as small as an effort to smile at everyone you pass on the street. Kindness has a powerful ripple effect to which we do not always have line of sight.
So for right now the first step I’m taking is to allow myself some grace to sit with this malaise that the holidays have left behind. I’m taking it as an opportunity to allow my mind, body and spirit to rest. As I sign off I’m looking at the five fingers on my right hand with gratitude. I remember the first year that I began this practice I wrote one letter on the tip of each finger. I would ask myself at the end of the day whether or not I had skipped over one or two of my life practices. Now I don’t have to write the letters because each finger every day reminds me of how to make my life and hopefully the many lives that intersect with mine C-L-I-C-K.
Happy New Year, My Dear Ones.