A Flutter of Hope

This response has taken me more than a minute as I sit here today trying to comprehend the incomprehensible. I have so many emotions and so much pain right now.... I do not know how to begin.

My hope is that I can place some healing words in this space.

When I wrote Know Justice Know Peace, I was still struggling with the murder of George Floyd. I wanted to get the book into everyone's hands so that people would begin to recognize that we can all be active in some way to prevent these senseless murders.

Last night I watched the tape and found myself going through the process that I wrote about. Reaction. Resistance. Response.

My first reaction was that of a mother. Pain. Excruciating pain. My next reaction was that of a wife. Anxiety. Terror. PTSD remembering my husband's experience with law enforcement a few hundred yards from our home, but he came home to me and sang in church that Sunday.

The resistance came hard and fast. This can't be happening. Dear God they are all black men. Please no. What am I missing? Are these men actually police officers? Something is off... Is this personal? An execution of some sort? There are indictments coming down already? How is this possible?

Then came the response. 5 officers were fired and indicted with more to come—a swift movement toward Justice. I have not experienced such direct decisive action in the face of past atrocities. Peaceful public protest. Weeping. In the middle of my endless well of tears, I felt a curious flutter of hope. The chief of police who fired the 5 officers is a black woman. No hesitation, no excuses, no bureaucratic BS. This was not about protecting white, black, brown, or any class or culture from wrongdoing. I will continue to hold on to this flutter of hope. It doesn't feel good to recognize that another black man had to die and at least 5 more men, black or otherwise, whose lives are destroyed. So much pain to see if the arc of humanity is possibly capable of leaning toward Justice. So why the hope? Through my lens, I see that in this case, we have an opportunity to have a unified response. When brutality and injustice raise their ugly head anywhere all of humanity should wake up and say enough!! Not on our watch!

A New Year - A New Approach

As we approach another new year and reflect on our lives over the past 365 days we are presented with an opportunity to look beyond ourselves and create a tangible internal shift that allows us to show up in the world. For many of us, our new year's resolutions are focused only on ourselves. Lose weight, break away from bad habits, work out to develop healthier bodies and minds, and so on. But what do we do to change our actions and behaviors when it comes to how we interact with the world and the people around us? How do we become better stewards for the earth and for humanity? It is time to look beyond our narrow scope of “me and mine” and focus on “us and ours”. We can change the way we show up in the world by letting go of what no longer serves us individually and shifting our perspectives to become more compassionate and kind human beings collectively.

Releasing Judgemental Behaviors and Thoughts

Conflict is just a part of life, this is a fact we must live with. However changing the way in which we navigate conflict and find common ground can create many opportunities for us to become better humans. For instance, when we approach conflicts around our different dimensions of diversity many people revert to an 'us versus them' or a 'me versus you' perspective. The predisposition towards disconnection has become a natural way of navigating challenges for most of us, and if we are to evolve as a species we must be willing to acknowledge our connectedness as a single human race.

Reflect on your inner narrative and find where you may be employing an “us versus them” or a “me versus you” approach to conflict. How can you begin to change your impulse to separate people into categories or opposing forces that must be combated? What is behind your judgemental thoughts and actions? Are you looking for ways to justify your own unkind behavior?

Challenging your inner narrative is one of the first steps of the inner work toward becoming a more compassionate and kind human being. It is a meaningful step on the path toward reconnecting to our humanity and healing our fractured society.

The Intentional Shift in Language Choice

Some of us may remember the old line “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” And that is where it begins for many of us. This is but one example of the way that we are programmed by seemingly well-intentioned humans to armor up and get ready for what the world is going to throw at us. We believe these words, at least we try to until we have the experience of words that inflict deeper wounds than the sharpest of sticks and the heaviest of stones. Consider the last time someone uttered something truly hateful in your presence; do you remember how that felt? Those words set in motion a ripple effect that went out into the world, far beyond the of a single conversation.

A few words have the ability to shatter a human being’s spirit and to live in their body for a lifetime. This is how we begin to accumulate wounds that we sometimes never heal.

Words have power. We choose them, either intentionally or unintentionally, to convey a message that often has a different impact than what we intended. A single word may hold little power over one person but may project a great deal of pain and suffering onto another. The words we use carry more meaning than many of us are aware of; consequently, they can do more damage than we ever thought possible. Some people have an overtly reactive response when they are called out for using terms that others deem offensive, derogatory, racist, sexist, or homophobic. It is uncomfortable for some people to be called out on their mistakes or told that they have done something hurtful or wrong. When we are confronted with our wrongdoing we can become defensive, it’s a natural human response. If you are called out on your words or actions you can learn something powerful if you can pause, breathe, and examine what is truly happening. The key to unraveling this twisted mess is uncovering the reason behind your defensive reaction. Finding the true cause of the defensive reactivity can unlock a much deeper inquiry into who you are and how you are showing up in the world.

Are you feeling defensive because you believe being wrong makes you a bad person? Are you defensive because you believe being vulnerable is a sign of weakness? Are you afraid of looking like a failure? Are you upset that someone is trying to control you? What is at the root of the reaction?

In my book Know Justice Know Peace, I explore this concept in depth across all 9 Points of the Enneagram. Each energy has a unique way of navigating challenges across differences and the dominant energy can affect the subsequent reaction to conflict.

Finding Peace & Reconnection

How do we find peace when faced with a seemingly no-win challenge? Say, for instance, accepting that another person is not willing to grow, change, or step into the light. I have witnessed this phenomenon often as my heart breaks watching someone I care about have to find peace with a disconnection that cannot be repaired. Sometimes we must be willing to take a step back and allow another person the space to heal themselves so that we can begin to find a connection back to them. This is a difficult space for many of us to acknowledge and occupy. What we may consider a “lost cause” seems like defeat, but we must allow ourselves the grace and compassion to know when to take a step back. Finding a path back to a loved one or a friend who has refused to find common ground can begin by cultivating forgiveness and love for ourselves first. As I often tell people “Forgiveness is an act of self-love”, it starts inward and then extends outward. A fundamental flaw in our foundation and ability for human connection is the failure to pick up the mirror and do the work of coming to fully understand ourselves as individuals who ultimately become part of a collective community in a societal structure. If we truly intend to repair the divides our world currently faces, we must start with ourselves. The Enneagram provides a detailed guide for inner work and allows us to move out of a “me and mine” mentality and into an “us and ours” way of being—this is the framework for accelerating a cognitive shift into mindfulness at an individual level which can help us to become more present to how we show up in the world in relation to “other” human beings.

Your Whole Self—Breaking out of Your Comfort Zone

A great many people know me as an Enneagram Teacher. Some think of me as a Diversity and Inclusion Consultant. A few know me as an Enneagram and IDEA Specialist. Yes, I am all of those things but I am so much more. Over the years I have found a niche corner of the Enneagram to carve out and call my own and I have enjoyed that corner. But in order to bring everyone into the fold and create a lasting community of Advocates, Allies, and Love Warriors I have to break out of my comfort zone and tap into my whole self. I am a Matriarch, a Mystic, and a Mentor. I teach people to lead with their hearts in all things, to bring kindness out into the world, and fight hate with love.

When I started working with the corporations in the “D&I” space as it was known back then, I knew something was missing. In my work, consultants would reuse the same tools and materials, presenting slides and repeating the same words over and over. I wanted to bring more to the table, and I knew there was a way I just needed to dig a bit deeper. My quest began for more information about team-building tools and personality assessment— a quick Google search brought me to the Enneagram Institute. I was off on a journey that took me beyond the belief that I had to find a destination for the journey’s end. There was no looking back at this point. I did not expect the Enneagram journey to lead me down a path directly into the heart of humanity.

Deborah Threadgill Egerton

I believed that this was the place where I could help to create a safe space for individuals to speak their truth and to be who they were created to be. Instead of entering the “D&I” space with the same set of tools I was determined to reach people at an individual level and make the work less superficial. I found out that this was the only way to make the work sustainable and create real change in the people which would ultimately extend outward into the workplace and into the community.

I may have combined seemingly random practices to develop a new system, but in truth, the system was already there we just needed to unearth it. After years of practice and bringing this wisdom out into the world I became the “go-to” person in my field. At the time I was the only person, to my knowledge, that was combining the Enneagram with IDEA work. It wasn’t long after that many other people would adopt this new system. Still, I felt pigeonholed in my position and people viewed me as a “one trick pony”. I was more than an Enneagram and IDEA teacher, and I was determined to break out of my comfort zone and reach new levels in what I was capable of.

I taught courses at Esalen in “Leading with the Heart”, and I became a mentor to women who were trying to break out of the socially acceptable roles they were forced into. I endeavored to bring everyone into the circle of healing themselves so that they may go out into the world and heal others. I worked hard to show people it was ok to step out of their comfort zone and try something new or even show the world other facets of their identity and purpose. We are not one thing, we are not singular entities capable of only doing what is expected of us. When we accept our whole self, we move beyond striving to be “the best version” of ourselves and we become who we were created to be.